When individuals or couples present to sex therapy with concerns about their desire, I become curious about the role of conflict in the relationship. Is it high, low, medium? Does conflict lead to greater closeness, are there tools or resources in place, or is it completely unmanaged?

Dear higher libido partner, it may or may not come as a surprise that coming home from work, kicking up your feet and asking ‘what’s for dinner?’, shortly followed by ‘wanna bang tonight?’ is not really setting up an atmosphere for ripping one another's clothes off.

Context is one of the main topics that comes up in sex and relationship therapy, but what the heck does it mean and how to we use it to support our sex lives, and our desire, both solo and within our relationships?

When we are disconnected from our sexuality as our own, by us and for us, our sensuality, our pleasure, is then also not our own. Our sexuality often feels like it is not for us, but existent for the enjoyment and service of others, validated as real and functioning only through the engagement of someone else.

Pleasure mapping is a somatic exercise which helps people gain more knowledge and information about their body, as well as practice embodied awareness (i.e. being present to sensations that arise).

In the context of sex and pleasure, being body literate can also look like expanding your capacity to feel pleasure, knowing the specific types of touch that you enjoy, or knowing what taps your sexual accelerators and what slams on your sexual brakes.

How we think and feel about our bodies affects how we feel about ourselves in general in many ways, as well as how we show up in relationships, and how we engage in sex and intimacy both with ourselves and with our partners.

For many of us, we’re a lot more comfortable having sex than we are actually talking about it, even if we’ve had the same sexual partner for years, or even decades. We see this time and again at Good Vibes Clinic. Whether it is hesitancy around what a partner might say, or not knowing what we want to say ourselves, it can feel awkward or vulnerable to put these more sticky feelings and experiences into words, and even more so if there are existing difficulties with sex.

Human’s eroticism and attraction is mysterious. There are often elements of contradiction, challenge, and ambivalence that must be overcome in order to create intense eroticism. 

** This article focuses primarily on the anatomy of people with vulvas, though concepts are applicable to any body, gender or anatomy.

Many of us have been taught that one of the key components of a healthy relationship is a wildly passionate, constant, problem-free sex life.