Pleasure Mapping: The Body as a Site for Pleasure
Pleasure Mapping: The Body as a Site for Pleasure
By Grace Crawford-Smith
Did you know the whole body can be considered an erogenous zone? Do you want to learn more about your likes, dislikes and everything in between when it comes to sex and pleasure?
Many clients come to sex therapy with a variation of a concern around not knowing what they like. We know that good sex starts with good communication, however sometimes the content of the sexual communication, what the heck this actually means, is not yet known.
Learning about our bodies and our pleasure is a lifelong journey, so embracing not-knowing is an exciting first step.
Inevitably, our likes, dislikes and curiosities will change over time, so it’s helpful to have tools which facilitate discovery and rediscovery of the site of pleasure that is your body.
What is Pleasure Mapping?
Pleasure mapping is a somatic exercise which helps people gain more knowledge and information about their body, as well as practice embodied awareness (i.e. being present to sensations that arise). This is done through focusing on a particular area of the body the way you would focus in on a particular section of a map, and then experimenting with different kinds of touch to observe the different sensations.
Some sensations may feel pleasurable, unpleasurable, neutral or hard to place, and this is the whole point of focusing in on specific areas with curiosity rather than expectation. The aim is to remove judgement and evaluation, and simply practise noticing sensations in the moment.
Pleasure mapping not only enhances masturbation or solo pleasure, but also provides information to be communicated in partnered play. From pleasure mapping, we can discover things we like, things we don’t like, and things we may enjoy from time to time or in certain areas of our bodies.
What Does It Look Like?
Pleasure mapping can be done solo or with another person.
When done solo, one simply needs to focus on a part of the body they are able to reach with their own hands. When done with a mapping partner, a massage table, bed or cushions on the floor can provide comfortable access to the entire body for both the giver and the receiver.
The steps are reasonably straightforward and have been outlined below.
The values of mindfulness - curiosity, openness, non-judgement and presence - are helpful guides for this practice. When conducted with a partner, the exercise also offers a chance to practise sexual communication, boundaries, and negotiating consent. These skills are essential for enhancing one’s sex life!
The intention of pleasure mapping is simply to observe the sensations which arise in the moment, and communicate them to oneself or the mapper. However you may also wish to set a more specific intention at the beginning of your practice. For example, “I want to connect with my pelvis and release judgement about what feels good” or “I want to allow myself to explore my belly without getting distracted about what it might look like.”
Pleasure mapping is called a practice for a reason, repetition is your friend!
Over time, you can become more embodied through practices such as pleasure mapping as you create and reinforce new neural pathways around experiencing sensation in the moment.
Generally, the more embodied you become, the less you will tend to get stuck in your head, and you will become better at returning to the body when distractions inevitably arise.
You may map your entire body over time when repeated with different body parts. Many people discover that the parts of their bodies they find hard to accept are actually a site of a lot of pleasure. This can be a powerful insight!
It’s more difficult to hate a part of us that brings us pleasure and joy, and this learning can help neutralise body image concerns and promote healing and acceptance. This is why so many people benefit from somatic exploration.
Giving It A Go
Before You Start:
When partnered, gloves can be used and recommended for hygiene.
You may wish to collect some body oil or lubricant to have nearby for the practice. Using oils or lubricants can change sensation and be a great addition to pleasure mapping.
Although the receiver leads this practice, it is important consent is present for both the giver and receiver throughout the whole practice. “No thanks, but I am open to trying something else” or “No thanks, but I am willing to try that touch on your arms” are examples of ways to provide a “No” and continue the practice.
The giver or receiver may end the practice at any time.
These instructions are written for partnered mapping for simplicity - for solo practice, take on the role of giver and receiver. You may even like to speak out loud as a way of connecting language with sensation!
Pleasure mapping can encourage us to meet our edge, however it’s never helpful to pick a part of the body to map that feels overwhelming or distressing. This practice can be gradually increased over time. Feel into a 2-6/10 of edginess, and try not to go past a 6/10.
Getting Started:
* Receiver = person receiving pleasure mapping
* Giver / mapping partner = person providing the touch so the receiver can map their body
Set up a space in which you and your mapping partner feel comfortable and safe
Discuss boundaries, deciding which clothes will stay on or off, communicating on any no-go areas or kinds of touch or any “maybes” which will require extra communication (e.g. no tickling at all / no touch from the legs down / potentially no scratching but it will depend on the pressure and the moment, open to you asking me later) and asking the mapping partner to communicate any of their own limits that need to be taken into consideration (I can’t bend my back over for more than a few minutes, it then becomes painful for me)
Begin with a “drop-in” exercise; this may be a body scan, progressive relaxation exercise or deep breathing. This is a chance to co-regulate with a partner / self-regulate and begin to become aware of our body. A guided meditation or body scan can be helpful.
The receiver invites the mapping partner to begin touch when they are ready - this is generally best done verbally, “I’m ready for you to place your hand on my chest now”. Verbal consent can be obtained from the giver if there is any uncertainty, e.g. “can I place my hand on your chest now?”
Beginning with a holding touch can feel grounding. Start with one kind of touch, ask the receiver how it feels, would they like more or less pressure? Faster or slower touch? Adding oil or no oil? After some time, the giver can ask “are you ready for a different kind of touch?” or the receiver can signal “I’m ready for a new touch”
Vary the kind of touch, allowing time for each kind to be experienced. Examples include: kneading, grazing, pressing, zigzagging, pitter-patter rain touch with fingers, holding, massaging.
Continue verbal check-ins and encourage the receiver to describe as clearly as possible what the sensations feel like. Try and be more specific than “good” or “neutral”. Examples include, “tingly, warm, cool, fuzzy, scratchy, itchy, pressured”
Close the practice when the giver or receiver (or both) are ready to finish. Recommendation: allow a few minutes to rest in silence or with music, giving your bodies a chance to integrate the experience.
Verbal debrief: discuss what the practice felt like. What kinds of touches were enjoyable? What kinds were unpleasant or neutral? Did either of you learn something new? What surprised you? What was it like to try and put language to sensation? What parts of your body are you curious about exploring? Can you imagine integrating this information within an erotic moment?