Why It Isn’t Helpful to Fake Orgasms
By faking an orgasm (or orgasm's), you are denying yourself the pleasure that you deserve and could otherwise have. YOU DESERVE PLEASURE!!
Faking pleasure and orgasm is sending a false message to our partner(s) about our pleasure and what we need/want sexually, which can mean that person repeats the same technique each time (they'll think they've mastered it)! Even if it is just a casual or one-time partner, think of their sexual partner(s) after you (pay the pleasure forward)!
Faking it perpetuates a performative view of sex and intimacy which reduces overall sexual satisfaction (and research has shown that orgasmicity is not linked to sexual satisfaction). Although it might seem harmless, long-term faking is dishonesty to your partner (and yourself)!
Top Tips to Increase Your Pleasure Potential
Learn about what you like, what feels good for you and what your body, mind (and soul) needs to maximise your pleasure.
If you have a vulva and have difficulty, or have not been able to have an orgasm with penetration alone (you are certainly not alone - see our previous blog post for orgasm stats), incorporate external and clitoral stimulation into your play.
Talk with partner(s) about what you know about your pleasure and orgasm. Be specific, think about the type of touch, pressure, speed, consistency and patterns that increase your pl3asure. Keep swiping for ways you can open these convo's
Sex doesn't need to end with orgasm, learn to ask for what you want and let your partner(s) know if you want to change something or stop
Invite a partner to witness you self-touch. Many people find it super erotic to watch someone self-pl3asure, and this is a great way to support your pleasure being prioritised and understood with partner(s)
Use toys, lube or any other pleasure products that support your pleasure and/or orgasm
If you are someone who finds it difficult to orgasm with a partner, verbalise this i.e. "sometimes orgasm can be elusive for me, can we focus on pleasure without orgasm sometimes/today?". This can remove the pressure you might both feel, which ironically increases orgasmic potential.
Talking to Your Partner About Pleasure
Talk about pleasure and sex outside of when you’re actually doing it. Bringing it up when you aren’t vulnerable and naked can make it easier to listen and receive feedback. You can then incorporate what you’ve discussed in your next sexy sesh.
Be Specific: "I love it when you/we..."; "it feels amazing when you/we..."; "sometimes (the action) doesn't feel as good as (something you like/want)"
Acknowledge physiology (stats show that vulva-vagina owners can take longer to arouse and/or orgasm than penises). Try saying "I've learnt that my body takes time to warm up and get aroused, what I need is (to spend more time kissing/ hugging/massaging/external stimulation etc)"
Unlearn that orgasm is the 'goal' of every sexual encounter, and follow the pleasure in-moment. Consider "what could make this even better for me right now?", and share this with your partner.
Stay tuned for our next blog post on sexual satisfaction generally, and how it isn’t all about the big O!