Sexual satisfaction is so much more than orgasm!! In fact, while orgasm research has identified that orgasm likelihood increases the longer the sexual relationship, research on sexual satisfaction has found that those in longer-term sexual and/or romantic relationships are actually less satisfied with their sex lives.
You may have experienced this personally if you have been in a sexual relationship where you were able to orgasm reliably with a partner through following the same sexual activities or ‘script’, but this doesn’t necessarily mean that the sexual experience was very exciting, varied or erotic to you. A sexual script refers to your go-to sexual experiences with partner which can begin to feel a bit routine, particularly if there isn't much variation to that 'script', which is common in longer relationships.
What Influences Sexual Satisfaction?
Sexual satisfaction research has outlined a number of factors that can influence sexual satisfaction. Some of the key indicators (in no particular order) include:
🌿Feeling sexually desired/desirable by a partner
🌿General mental health (namely anxiety and depression)
🌿Overall relationship satisfaction which can include trust, openness, emotional connection and stability
🌿Understanding of your pleasure, and what you want/need sexually, as well as understanding a partner(s) needs
🌿Sexual performance and/or functioning concerns (this can include erection, ejaculation, pain etc)
🌿Variety - this can include trying new things, not always following the same 'sexual script' (see our previous post for more info on this), and deviating from the 'traditional' view of sex as all about penetration
🌿Physical enjoyment - pleasure, orgasm (although not exclusively) and the absence of pain
🌿Open communication with sexual partner(s) about sex, desire and pleasure
🌿Frequency - although important to note that the quality of the experience is more important than quantity, in overall sexual satisfaction
🌿Body image - poor body image can result in difficulties remaining present sexually, and can mean we get stuck in our heads thinking about how we look during sex
🌿Confidence that we are doing it 'right' (this can link to our learned beliefs about sex being performative and like we see in traditional pornography)
🌿Expectations and pressures on frequency, performance. Placing pressure or expectation on a sexual activity works against our internal desire and arousal process, and can result in sexual anxiety, fear, avoidance and pain.
How Can I Increase My Sexual Satisfaction?
The best way to maintain sexual satisfaction in longer term relationships includes a combination of your go-to sexual activities, with openness to explore and incorporate new and interesting ways of initiating and engaging in sexual intimacy. This works best with open communication with our sexual partner about our particular needs, desire and/or fantasies. Our partners are not mind readers, so we need to take responsibility for sharing what we know about ourselves to increase our sexual satisfaction.
What influences how sexually satisfied you are?