As much as we have been fed the narrative that love and relationships should be ‘easy’, this is not really grounded in reality in the modern age. Historically, relationships and marriages were more of a financial agreement, today we place expectations on our partners to fulfil many (if not all) of our social, emotional, sexual, spiritual, family and financial needs, which is likely an impossible task all of the time. Because of this, maintaining satisfaction in a relationship for the long term requires ongoing communication and prioritisation of the relationship, something which can become difficult when we throw in work, children, illness, social commitments, financial responsibilities and everything in-between.

What Contributes to Relational Satisfaction?

Some general factors that have been found to impact relational satisfaction include equal distributions of power, commitment and investment in the relationship (Journal of Undergraduate Research XIII 2010). In practice at Good Vibes Clinic, this is particularly visible when it comes to division of labour within the household, parenting and financial responsibilities. Those who feel there is inequality in terms of overall labour often report resentment, frustration and even anger toward their partners.

One aspect of successful long-term relationships identified is the acceptance toward a partner’s traits and as a result, long-term couples may show less conflict over sexual and relational intimacy (Journal of Undergraduate Research XIII 2010).

Communication

Unsurprisingly to us, ongoing and open communication was the key indicator of relational satisfaction amongst all of the available research. Three main variables central to relationship satisfaction were found to be interpersonal communication, sexual communication, and communication affect (Colgate University Journal of the Sciences 2000).

This points to the importance of developing and maintaining healthy communication skills, with hostility during conflict related to lower relational satisfaction, and intimacy and problem solving linked to higher satisfaction. Poor relational coping strategies such as passivity, resignation, blaming and rumination were associated with lower relational satisfaction (Journal of Divorce and Remarriage 2014).

Stress and Wellbeing

Associations between general well-being (individually and within the partnership) and relationship quality are identified as a key finding of the research. Whether relational distress or psychological distress comes first, one has a strong impact on the other. Everyday stressors such as work, health, family, financial etc., can also impact relational satisfaction, whether they are directly related to the relationship or not. This speaks to the importance of developing and maintaining individual stress management and health/wellness strategies to support individual and relational harmony (Journal of Divorce and Remarriage 2014).

What Contributes to Sexual Satisfaction?

Factors that Support Sexual Satisfaction

Some key findings of the research regarding sexual satisfaction were:

Sexual satisfaction is not limited to satisfaction with sexual intercourse, and that all forms of intimacy (whether overtly sexual or more affectionate) were positively related to sexual satisfaction (Journal of Undergraduate Research XIII 2010).
There is a positive correlation between sexual communication and both relational and sexual satisfaction. The research supports frequent, meaningful and open sexual communication (Journal of Family Psychology 2022).
Sexual self-disclosure, which is the ability to discuss and share needs, preferences and desires relating to sex, arousal and pleasure, is positively linked to sexual satisfaction.
Quality of sexual communication captures the openness to discussing the sexual relationship, the positive affect when discussing the sexual relationship and emotional safety to communicate about sexual issues..
Successful sexual communication in healthy relationships requires a sense of safety, respect, and equality between partners for it to translate effectively into sexual satisfaction (Journal of Family Psychology 2022).
Interestingly, relationship and sexual satisfaction were positively correlated in short-term relationships, but had a weaker connection in long-term relationships. This finding suggests that sexual satisfaction is less related to happiness in long-term relationships, and potentially speaks to the importance of other non-sexual factors in long-term relationships such as common interests, shared values, commitment and companionship.

Factors that Negatively Impact Sexual Satisfaction

It was highlighted that sexual conflict is negatively related to sexual satisfaction, and plays a detrimental role in maintaining ongoing, satisfying relationships. Situations in which there is a discrepancy in frequency of sexual intimacy, who initiates sexual intimacy, if one partner is not in the mood, and if sexual initiation was turned down have all been found to result in higher sexual conflict in the relationship. Importantly, the research identified that sexual conflict can arise for any couple, regardless of the level or frequency of sexual intimacy within the relationship (Journal of Undergraduate Research XIII 2010). Within Good Vibes Clinic, we see that sexual satisfaction is less about frequency of sexual intimacy, and more about the ability to communicate needs, feel and express desire safely, and manage sexual differences in a judgement-free way.

If you are noticing difficulties in discussing relational and/or sexual needs within your relationship, it may be useful to reach out to Good Vibes Clinic confidentiality to discuss further and identify ways you can increase satisfaction.