A Sex Therapists Guide to Sex and Intimacy During Pregnancy: Tips and Positions
By Christine Rafe
If you missed our last post on WTF is actually going on with your body and sex during pregnancy, check it out here.
If you’re joining for part two, welcome back!
This blog is going to cover specific pregnancy intimacy tips as well as an intro guide to positions and a note on the post-partum return to sex.
Pregnancy Intimacy Tips
With so much that can impact sexual interest, arousal and pleasure during pregnancy, you’re probably ready for some support in what you can actually do about it?!
These are my top tips:
Expand Your Definition of Sex
As much as many of us have learned about sex from a penetration and ejaculation focused lens, penetration is only one type of sex, it is absolutely not the definition of sex, or the only type of sex we can be having.
Some of the most satisfying sexual experiences involve immense pleasure from totally different acts: teasing, deep breathing together, nipple play, massage, sharing fantasy, mutual masturbation and non penetrative activities. Pregnancy is the perfect time to broaden your ‘sexual script’ and discover new pathways to pleasure together.
Slow Down
Similar to the above, we can use pregnancy as an opportunity to encourage more outercourse, foreplay activities and Slow Sex.
The research on sexual satisfaction at all life stages tells us that the more we slow down and build desire and arousal without expectation, rushing or putting pressure on performance or an ‘end goal’, the more enjoyable our sex lives will be in the long term.
Deep kissing, erotic massage, oral sex, sensual touch, pleasure mapping, and anything that doesn’t require vigorous movement is typically more comfortable as pregnancy progresses and can be incredibly erotic and connecting. It’s also better for physical comfort and heart rate in pregnancy, particularly in the third trimester where your heart rate can be up to 30% elevated even when resting!
Orient to the Sexy
Pay attention to the parts of your body that you may be finding sensual or sexual during pregnancy.
Many folk experience increased breast size and sensitivity, changes to their bum, skin and hair that they find sexy. If you’re feeling self-conscious about your belly but loving your newfound cleavage, orient to the sexy. This means looking at your boobs, playing with them, noticing them moving, incorporating nipple play etc.
Have your partner worship the parts of your body that feel sexy to you.
Seek Comfort with Props and Check-Ins
Your body is giving you real-time feedback, so listen to it! If something feels off, uncomfortable or painful then pause, shift, slow down or stop. Comfort first, pleasure second, everything else after that.
Pillows, blankets, wedges, yoga bolsters, bench-tops, walls etc, can transform a sexual experience. Using props and supports reduce pressure on the belly, hips and back, and support you in positions that feel stable and comfortable.
Seek Support for Mood/Mental Health
If you’re noticing anxiety, depression, numbness or disconnection, reach out early. Therapy, GP support, doula networks, and perinatal mental health services can be game changing for your wellbeing and your intimate life.
Position Ideas for Pregnancy Sex
Non-Penetrative
Side-Lying Touch
Side-lying positions are pregnancy gold because they’re comfortable, supportive, and gentle on the body.
Touching each other this way allows for slow, sensual exploration without strain on joints, ligaments or the belly. They also allow lots of eye contact and kissing. You can touch each other at the same time or one touching the other.
Add lubricant, oil or toys to mix it up and support maximum pleasure for both of you!
Side-Lying 69
This variation to traditional 69 means that the pregnant partner isn’t laying flat (which is contraindicated in the later stages of pregnancy), or having to support themselves over the top of their partner (which can be a lot of strain on the core and pelvic floor). The side-lying 69 position keeps weight off the belly and hips while still allowing full access to oral pleasure.
You can even prop the belly with a small pregnancy pillow or towel if needed. It’s intimate, grounding, and great for people who want closeness without the acrobatics of traditional 69.
Seated and Standing Oral Sex Variations
Because laying flat can feel uncomfortable or not possible in the later stages of pregnancy, propped or seated oral sex (using a dining or desk chair or propping yourself up against a wall with pillows) can be a great way to relax into receiving oral sex without any pressure on core or pelvic floor.
Sitting upright offers stability and takes pressure off the back and pelvis. It also allows you to relax into the sensation without needing to hold yourself up, making it ideal when mobility or energy is limited. If the pregnant person is the giver in this position, use pillows or rugs to support the knees or place a prop or stool to sit on so you’re not crouching and holding.
Standing oral sex offers a power-play dynamic, with the standing partner in the power-position and can work for both giving and receiving oral sex as a pregnant person. If the pregnant person is the giver in a standing position, use pillows, blankets, props or a stool to support comfort without straining.
Mutual Masturbation
This is a brilliant low-effort, high-connection option.
You both get to control your own comfort, pace and pressure while still sharing eye contact, closeness and erotic energy. Incorporate lubricant, oil, toys or anything else that tickles your fancy. You may even want to add in either audio, written or visual erotica that you can build arousal with together.
Penetrative
Penetrative positions can include penetration with penis, fingers, strap-ons or dildos and are not specific to hetero-sex.
Spooning
Spooning keeps everything low-pressure and relaxed. With both partners on their sides, there’s no weight on the belly, plenty of space for the bump, and lots of control over depth and pace. It’s intimate, gentle, and ideal for later stages of pregnancy. If it increases comfort further, welcoming in supportive pillows or props between your knees and/or under the belly. This position is great for its ability to support dual stimulation of the external clitoris during penetration using either hands or toys.
Cowgirl
Cowgirl puts you in charge of angle, depth, and movement, which can be vital when your body feels different day to day. This position keeps pressure off the belly and allows you to adjust positioning at any moment to stay comfortable and connected.
If you’re feeling lower energy, getting puffed out easily or experiencing any hip or leg pain, focus more on grinding rather than bouncing, or use a prop behind your glutes and let your partner thrust from below!
Reverse Cowgirl
This variation offers the same benefits of control and comfort as cowgirl but with slightly more space around the belly and chest. The forward-leaning angle can reduce hip pressure and allows you to find the exact rhythm that feels good without feeling crowded.
This is also a great position if you’re feeling conscious of your belly but your partner is experiencing some extra love for your bum.
Doggy Style Variations
Doggy-style positions create more room for your belly without any pressure or weight on it, and there are variations to the position that can be adjusted depending on your energy, mobility, and comfort.
Standing at the edge of the bed (or edge of a benchtop or table) and leaning over gives support for your arms and chest and reduces strain on the wrists and back.
Kneeling on a bed or floor (with cushioning under knees) allows for easy propping with pillows under your chest or hips.
Standing and using a wall for support keeps pressure off the pelvis entirely and can feel spacious and stable, especially as the bump grows.
Across all variations, you can easily modify angles and depth, which is key during pregnancy.
What about Post-Partum Sex?
The idea that you’ll be ‘ready’ for sex at the 6-8 week mark following your check-up is one of the most misleading narratives out there. That appointment is a medical milestone, not a universal green light for your libido, emotions, pelvic floor, relationship, or overall readiness.
The reality is that many birthing bodies take many months or even years to recover, often with the need to involve pelvic floor physios, gynecologists, sexological bodyworkers, scar tissue remediation, and massage specialists (especially if there was any tearing during delivery or delivery happened via cesarean).
Then there’s all the emotional, psychological, and relational elements to consider, as well as the physical demands of a body that is possibly responsible for nursing a demanding newborn on a 90-minute cycle.
My biggest piece of advice for this period? Be kind to yourself!
You are not ‘behind’ schedule.
You are recovering from the most major physical and emotional event that your body will likely ever go through.
It’s normal and expected that you won’t feel ready for sex right away, and many folk don’t for some time. Talk openly with your partner about what intimacy looks like now, and explore connection that doesn’t rely on penetrative sex.
And for the full deep-dive, stay tuned! Our pregnancy and post-partum guide to sex is cumming in 2026.
*This post does not replace medical advice and every person's situation is different. Your GP, midwife, Obstetrician or other treating health specialist is the best person to check in relating to your specific situation. If you have specific pregnancy complications or have been advised of increased risk factors or placenta previa, unexplained bleeding or have been recommended to be on bed-rest, you will need to seek specific advice around safe sex practices.