Sex During Pregnancy: Myths, Facts, and What’s Actually Happening
By Christine Rafe
If you have been or are currently pregnant, it won’t be a surprise to you that experiencing pregnancy comes with a lot of opinions and unsolicited ‘advice’, whether your hormones are in a position to hear it or not.
Between the internet, your aunty and your harmless but nosey next door neighbour, suddenly everyone becomes an Obstetrician who knows best about your needs and your body.
If you continue reading this, I do not intend to tell you what you need to do during your pregnancy. What I do hope to offer you however, as a Sex Therapist with qualifications, experience and evidence-based practice in navigating sex and intimacy through the life stages, and as a pregnant human myself, is a safe space for you to understand more about sex during pregnancy and how you can best support yourself, with a few tips and tricks to come in a follow-up blog post.
I invite you to take what feels good for you and leave what doesn’t, and above all remember that you are your best expert!
So let’s start with the most common question we get around sex and pregnancy…
Is Sex During Pregnancy Safe?
With so much information available online, just about anyone will feel they can tell you what is and isn’t safe during pregnancy.
Without getting too side-tracked, I personally had someone refuse to serve me my sacred single shot almond latte because they read somewhere that caffeine is not safe in pregnancy. Spoiler alert: less than 200mg of caffeine per day (2+ shots) has no evidence-based implications.
So if you’ve never been pregnant, you can imagine just how difficult it is to navigate what and what not to do with literal strangers monitoring your caffeine consumption. And for those of you that have been pregnant and had some experiences along these lines, I’m here holding your hand.
But back to safety and sex. Generally speaking, sex during pregnancy is safe and beneficial so long as there is consent, a focus on comfort, and it does not involve any activities that place undue stress or pressure on your belly, particularly as the belly grows. The exception to this would be if your GP, midwife, Obstetrician or other treating health specialist has advised you otherwise, or you have been advised of increased risk factors, placenta previa, unexplained bleeding, or have been recommended to be on bed-rest. If any of this is relevant, you will need to seek specific advice with your healthcare practitioner around safe sex practices.
If your healthcare team have confirmed that you don’t have any risk factors, have sex as usual within your physical and emotional comfort.
If something is not feeling comfortable for you physically (which can become particularly relevant in the second and third trimesters as your body changes), shift your pace or positioning, or try propping yourself (more on positions and propping to come in part 2). If these don’t work, stop and move to something that feels more comfortable and pleasurable for you, knowing this could sometimes mean stopping sexual activity and transitioning to cuddling or something with less, little, or no movement.
If you find yourself feeling frustrated that sex is more difficult during pregnancy, know that this is a phase of life and it’s not forever, and orient toward what is possible, even if that means your favourite positions are off the table for a little while.
You can use this time as an opportunity to explore other pathways to pleasure for you and your partner, and inviting in some variety to your potentially pre-existing ‘sexual script’. We know that variation and novelty supports long term sexual satisfaction, so you can actually use pregnancy as a time to explore and build new sexual skills and pathways to pleasure and arousal together.
Are There Benefits to Sex During Pregnancy?
F*ck yes there are! There are benefits to sex at all stages of life, and pregnancy is no exception!
Release of Feel-Good Hormones
Pleasure, orgasm, play and closeness/connection to self and others/partners trigger a cocktail of hormones like oxytocin, dopamine and endorphins. These hormones help with mood regulation, sleep, stress reduction and overall emotional connection (with self and others).
Pleasure and orgasm support the release of these hormones, so this can also include a solo sesh. In fact I highly recommend it!
Emotional and Physical Connection with Your Partner
Pregnancy changes a lot; your body, your identity, and your relationship dynamics to name a few.
During a transitional phase in your life, sexual intimacy can be grounding and can support you and your partner in coming back to the ‘we’ before the ‘us’. Sexual intimacy in relationships can build trust and vulnerability, strengthen bonds, reinforce safety and closeness, and can be a great way to relieve tension or stress regarding upcoming life transitions.
Supports Sexual Self-Identity
A lot of parents will say that once children enter your lives, it can feel like a loss of self-identity and self-agency.
This is particularly true in the early stages of postpartum and often heightened for the birthing parent who may then be responsible for feeding for some months post birth.
Pregnancy and postpartum can trigger an identity crisis, though of course not for everyone. Pleasure, sex and intimacy can help you orient to, or anchor into, the sexual part of you that still exists outside of children and family life, and can support in reminding you that pregnancy hasn’t erased your desirability or access to pleasure.
Pelvic Floor Benefits
Orgasms involve rhythmic pelvic floor contractions which improve circulation, promote pelvic awareness and tone, and support overall pelvic health. Worth noting if you’re experiencing pelvic pain or discomfort, reach out to a pelvic floor physiotherapist for further assessment and support.
How Pregnancy Affects Libido
Pregnancy libido can be unpredictable at the best of times!
Experiences of sex during pregnancy are going to range from feeling nauseous or repulsed by the thought of sex through to feeling like a sexually ravenous animal ready to pounce.
You may even go from one end of the spectrum to the other within the span of a couple of hours, and all of this is totally normal and absolutely okay, and is impacted by a number of factors. Some of these may include:
Hormonal and Physiological Changes
Shifts in estrogen, progesterone and blood flow can dramatically change desire. Some folk report feeling more easily lubricated, more sensitive and more interested, where others feel sore, distracted, nauseous, fatigued or even just very average and un-sexy.
Hormones are powerful, inconsistent and honestly quite chaotic, so be kind to yourself and keep checking in as to how you’re feeling and what you need.
Pain/Discomfort
Tender breasts, pelvic pain, joint pain, hip aches, rib pressure, heartburn, and a growing belly can cause discomfort, itching and reduced mobility; it’s a lot!
Discomfort is one of the most common libido killers during pregnancy. It may not be that you’re not interested in sex, but that you can’t think of how you could possibly maneuver in the ways you might want to. The good news is that there’s nothing wrong with you, and it won’t last forever. And that there are ways to get around discomfort, or work with the discomfort, if you want to explore what’s sexually possible during pregnancy for you.
Body Confidence Shifts
Your relationship with your body may shift through pregnancy.
You might feel more luscious, strong and just in awe of what your body is doing (because it is f*king incredible). Alternatively, you might feel awkward, swollen or no longer connected to your body and desirability. Body image can play a major role in libido, and it’s completely valid to feel multiple things at once.
General Mental Health
Pregnancy is a huge emotional transition.
Anxiety, identity shifts, birth worries, relationship changes, and hormonal fluctuations, can all impact desire. With one in five mothers and one in ten fathers experiening perinatal anxiety or depression, it’s important to normalise and talk about this. The Gidget Foundation offer specific guidance and support on mental, emotional and relational health specifically during pregnancy and post-partum.
How Pregnancy Affects Pleasure
Increased Blood Flow Can Equal Increased Sensitivity
More blood flow to the pelvis often means increased lubrication, sensitivity and pleasure. Some pregnant folk can experience the most intense orgasms of their lives. Others simply feel aroused more quickly or enjoy the ‘swollen sensuality’ that late pregnancy brings.
Orgasms Can Be Intense or Elusive
As mentioned above, some can experience super intense and prolonged orgasms, where others might find that their orgasms are less intense or reliable. This can be impacted by stress and mental load, as well as changes to the pelvic floor and its ability to contract.
If you’re not feeling comfortable in your body or finding it’s more physical effort to have sex, this can make it more difficult to be fully present, impacting orgasmicity.
Self-Talk and Mood Can Influence Libido and Pleasure
Getting stuck in our heads with negative self-talk is a libido and pleasure killer at any stage during sex.
Pleasure thrives on presence, relaxation and orienting to sensually and sexually arousing stimuli, and wondering how we look from this angle or whether the baby is bouncing around in there is not super sexy thinking!
Now that you have some sense of the variety of experiences of desire, arousal and pleasure during pregnancy (it’s a wild ride), I hope you are feeling ‘normal’ in whatever is happening for you or your partner.
Our next post will cover the specific tips and tricks as a guide to sex during pregnancy.
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*This blog does not replace medical advice and every person's situation is different. Your GP, midwife, Obstetrician or other treating health specialist is the best person to check in relating to your specific situation. If you have specific pregnancy complications or have been advised of increased risk factors or placenta previa, unexplained bleeding or have been recommended to be on bed-rest, you will need to seek specific advice around safe sex practices.