Healthy Porn Use vs Porn Addiction: Understanding the Differences and Finding Balance

By Selina Nguyen

Porn addiction is a highly contentious topic throughout the sexual wellness space.

Many arguments can and have been made questioning whether it exists, what constitutes “serious enough” to be classed as an addiction, and how to work with it. Each answer is also very different depending on how you look at it, whether that be through the lens of sexology, neuroscience, behavioural science, sociology, education, or the medical model of addiction.

All this to say, this is an incredibly grey area and much to everyone’s dismay, there is no specific number or statistic that defines what is healthy and unhealthy. Rather, one’s porn habits and its impacts is a spectrum that can fluctuate.

So What is Healthy Porn Use?

To begin with, we cannot ignore the wider cultural and ethical issues that exist within the mainstream porn industry in relation to the safety, protection and rights of those who work in the field. However, it’s worth mentioning that this concept of healthy porn use will be focusing more on the individual level impact and the impact within one’s immediate romantic and sexual relationships.

Within this context, we know that there are some benefits of pornography when it’s used for self-exploration and a tool for pleasure.

Healthy porn use is when it is incorporated with intentionality and choice, not as the default or as a total replacement for sexual pleasure.

For it to be considered healthy, this requires some degree of self-awareness and self-reflection around our internal motives each time that we reach for porn. Healthy porn use is when we’re able to recognise why you’re seeking the content out, and to decide if this specific way is the only path to getting this desire met.

There are many reasons why folks choose to watch porn, and not all of these reasons are created equally. For example, boredom, stress relief, avoidance, shame, sexual pleasure, or exploration.

The Line Between Healthy Porn Use and Porn Addiction

Language is important.

My view as a sex therapist is that the language of ‘addiction’ can be incredibly rife with stigma, shame and judgement. Especially in combination with the already controversial topic of porn, this can serve to amplify existing sexual shame and guilt. It’s also pertinent to note that there is no actual formal diagnostic criteria or recognised diagnosis of ‘porn addiction’ (or sex addiction for that matter) in the same way we can diagnose with alcohol and drug addiction.

Instead, I often refer to this as problematic or compulsive porn use, because it more accurately describes what it is. It is porn use that’s causing or perpetuating problems within the person’s life, or where there may be struggles to control the frequency and quantity in which they are consuming porn.

Ways that porn use can be problematic are when it’s used as a rigid proxy for fulfillment in oneself, one’s relationship, or emotion regulation. The desire to feel or be sexual is not one to be shamed or blamed, but it is the automaticity and rigidity of the behaviour that can cause difficulties.

This can look like avoiding conversations about sexual dissatisfaction in your relationship, or relying on porn to soothe from experiences like social isolation, anxiety, stress or frustration, and as such the underlying emotions or issues never get fully dealt with, but they are temporarily kept at bay with porn.

Problematic porn use can get in the way of other responsibilities and negatively affect the way that we show up in our relationships, at work or in the family. This can look like purposely lying to partners about our plans, neglecting your sexual relationship with your partner, or consistently falling behind at work as a result of getting distracted consuming porn. 

In sessions with clients, I often find myself comparing it to phone use and doom-scrolling. For many, checking our phones is habitual and sometimes even compulsive. We use it to fill our time, to get some quick dopamine, to distract ourselves, to make us feel something and simultaneously numb us out, and we continually return to it because it does the job so effectively. In this way, porn can be incredibly similar in its purpose, one is just more socially acceptable than the other.

The driving motivation behind it is not inherently wrong or shameful, but again it’s the rigidity in the behaviour that can make it problematic or compulsive if we only rely on a single method, in this case pornography.

Tips for Maintaining a Healthy Relationship with Porn

The crux of what makes a healthy relationship with porn is intentionality and choice.

In this age where mainstream porn is always one click away, this instant accessibility also means that we have to be more aware of how and why we reach for this type of content as well as the habitual ways that we engage with it.

In practice, this may look like not including porn every time you masturbate or choosing to introduce it at a later point in the masturbation session, limiting your screen time, or exploring other ways of expressing sexuality including fantasy, reading or writing erotica, or audio porn. Having this sense of choice and variety inherently challenges the compulsive and habitual loops that we can get in when it comes to porn use and slowly works to lower the brain’s tolerance for such intense stimulation.

While watching porn, it can also be beneficial to incorporate practices that centre sensuality and embodiment.

Too often watching porn can feel very disconnected and as a result, more dissatisfying, which has us continually returning back for ‘the right hit’.

Simple practices like closing your eyes and listening to the audio, standing up and moving your body while you watch, or bringing your focus onto your body and your breath rather than the screen, can help bring more awareness to your body and its sensations, as well as for the experience to be more pleasurable and satisfying.

When Porn Becomes a Problem

If you’re finding yourself on this side of the porn use spectrum, it might be worth speaking to one of our practitioners to further unpack this and to provide individualised tools for changing your relationship to porn.

A good starting point for this is recognising what are the triggers for turning towards porn. For some, it is boredom and opportunity. For others, it’s loneliness or tension with their relationship. For some, it’s neurodivergent dopamine seeking.

Getting clear on what are the triggers provides a direction and a path back towards a healthier balance with porn, whether that be through addressing relationship issues, working on communication or learning emotion regulation skills.

Understanding ourselves and our porn habits can be an incredibly informative experience if we’re coming to this process from a space of non-judgement and openness.