Penis 101: Pleasure-Centred Guide to Touching a Penis
By Taylor Neal
Touching a penis (your own or a partner’s) can be one of the most intimate, connective, and pleasure-filled experiences we get to have in these human bodies. Yet many of us learn about genital touch through trial and error, porn-influenced scripts, or silence.
In our outcome-oriented and sex-negative world, we tend to look at penis touch as merely a means to an end, the pathway to orgasm. Without reliable, accessible sex education and this idea that penis touch is simply done for the purpose of reaching a destination (erection and/or ejaculation), we bypass much of the intimacy, connection, and pleasure, available to us during genital touch.
When we slow down enough to get curious about how we can touch genitals in a pleasure-based way, I often remind folks that the best kind of touch is the touch that they want.
So while there are several tips and tricks I have for how to touch a penis based on awareness, consent, and embodiment rather than performance or goal, I want to remind you that the best way to get good at pleasuring yourself or your partner(s), is to slow down enough to ask questions, experiment, and attune to the receiving body (yourself or another), to learn what this unique body/human wants.
This guide invites anyone—practitioners, partners, and the simply curious—to explore penis touch as a mindful, pleasure-based practice that can bring about an embodied sense of intimacy, connection, pleasure, and exploration, beyond the goal of orgasm.
The Foundation: Presence, Consent, Intention
Before any touch begins, the most powerful tools are presence and communication. Ask questions like:
“Would you like to explore some touch?”
“How would you like to be touched?”
“Is there anything that feels off-limits today?”
“Is there anything you’re curious about exploring?”
“How would you like to start?”
“How would you like to feel afterward?”
Consent is not a one-time yes; it’s an ongoing dialogue. Keep checking in, verbally or nonverbally, throughout the entire experience.
Some ways to check-in for consent are:
1. Start with a Shared Language of Sensation: Before you begin touch, agree on a few simple words or signals that make communication easy:
“Slower,” “softer,” “more of that,” “pause.”
A hand squeeze, hum, or gesture that means “stop” or “check in.”
When both people know these signals, it feels safer to stay in the body rather than moving into performance, tolerating, or politeness.
2. Notice body cues: If you sense withdrawal, pause and ask gently:
“What’s happening in your body right now?”
“Would you like to stay here, change, or stop?”
“What’s that like?”
“What would make this better?”
This keeps the consent dialogue alive, responsive, and collaborative.
3. Use Micro-Pauses: Between changes in pace, pressure, or region of the body, take brief pauses. It allows time for integration and gives space for feedback.
A simple rhythm can be:
Touch
Pause
Observe
Ask or wait for response
Continue if it feels right
This can be done subtly and still feel very connected.
Intention
Next, get curious about the intention, or what you’re hoping to cultivate/how they want to feel during this time together.
Maybe that’s relaxation, connection, curiosity, or pleasure without pressure. When both giver and receiver know why they’re engaging, the experience deepens.
Once you have a sense of how they want to feel, ground yourself and/or ground together before starting, in some way that feel connective and drops you into your bodies together. Erotic touch is most powerful when it’s embodied, not just mechanical.
Understanding the Penis
The penis isn’t an isolated organ for arousal, it’s part of whole body system that includes the breath, heart, emotions, and nervous system. Before going straight to genital touch, it can feel wonderful to slow down together and let the whole body wake up to pleasure. Some ways to do this are:
Start with grounding touch: Rest your hands on your partner’s chest, belly, or thighs. Feel their breathing, warmth, and pulse beneath your palms. This simple, still touch helps both of you arrive in the moment.
Breathe together: Take slow, full breaths and notice how your partner’s body moves with each inhale and exhale. Breathing in sync builds connection and naturally relaxes the body.
Explore the rest of the body first: Use long, gentle strokes across the back, hips, or inner thighs. Think of it as inviting the body to soften and open, and a chance to connect, rather than trying to “get things going.”
Move together: Rocking, gentle stretching, or small pelvic movements can help release tension and spread aliveness through the whole body.
Make eye or heart contact: A shared gaze, a smile, or a hand over the heart reminds you both that this is about connection, not performance.
Use sound and words: Encourage sighs, laughter, or small check-ins like “Does this feel good?” or “More like this?” These moments keep the exchange playful, safe, and attuned.
When you warm up the rest of the body first, you invite the penis, and the person it’s attached to, into a fuller, more relaxed experience of pleasure. It becomes less about technique and more about meeting each other with curiosity, presence, and care.
Once you’ve warmed up the rest of the body and connected in the space, then you might move your focus more directly to the penis. The penis has many sensory regions:
The shaft: made of the corpora cavernosa and corpus spongiosum, which often enjoys firmer, rhythmic touch
The glans: rich in delicate nerve endings, similar to the clitoris
The frenulum: on the underside, often a highly sensitive area
The base and perineum: where deeper pressure can feel grounding and relaxing
Pleasure is not always about doing something to the penis, often it’s about staying in a mutual feedback loop between sensation, breath, and emotion, to allow curiosity about what feels good and what it wants more of.
Encourage the receiver to stay aware of their entire body: notice how breath, chest, jaw, and thighs respond. This keeps pleasure connected, rather than confined to one area.
The Art of Pleasure-Based Touch
Pleasure-based touch focuses on sensation and connection, not on getting somewhere fast.
A few key principles:
Start slow: You might let your hand rest in stillness at first, perhaps one hand cupping the genitals and the other on the chest or another grounding part of the body. This gives the nervous system time to settle.
Use plenty of lubrication: or natural oils to create glide and prevent friction.
Match their breath: Slow strokes on exhale, stillness on inhale, or vice versa.
Explore adding sound: moans, humming, speaking, sighs, etc.
Stay curious: Every body is different; let feedback guide you. Ask: “What’s that like?” as you switch positions and change strokes.
Below are examples of strokes and touch qualities that can help explore and expand pleasure. These can be used during partnered touch or for self-exploration.
Exploratory Touches and Strokes
1. Still Touch (Presence Contact/Cupping)
Place your hand gently around the penis without moving. Feel the temperature, texture, and subtle pulsations. This can be surprisingly intimate and grounding, helping both giver and receiver tune in before movement begins.
2. Base-to-Tip Stroke
Use a slow, continuous motion from the base toward the glans with thumb and fingers wrapped around the shaft, following the natural shape of the penis. This lengthens awareness through the shaft and connects sensation from base to tip. Try coordinating the stroke with breath: inhale at the base, exhale toward the tip.
3. Spiral Stroke
Trace a slow spiral or twisting motion around the shaft, moving upward or downward. Spiraling introduces variation and awakens the skin’s lateral sensory pathways, helping expand sensation beyond linear stimulation. Explore pace, tugging, changing direction, and pressure. You might also explore another touch with the other hand at the same time.
4. Glans and Frenulum Mapping
With gentle, lubricated fingers, lightly explore around the glans and the underside (frenulum). Use small circles, light pressure, or even still touch. Encourage the receiver to communicate what feels delicate, intense, more subtle, more sensitive, ticklish, soothing, or whatever else comes. This is less about stimulation and more about discovering nuance and using descriptive language to communicate sensation.
5. Base and Perineum Connection
Include touch at the base of the penis and the perineum (the soft area between genitals and anus). Gentle pressure here can feel grounding and helps connect pleasure to the pelvis and lower body. But every body is different, so again, checking in with our ongoing consent dialogue and asking: “What’s that like?” as you go.
6. Long Integrative Strokes
Move your hand from the lower abdomen or pubic area down along the penis and thighs, then back up again. These longer strokes help distribute arousal throughout the body, preventing over-focus and inviting full-body pleasure.
7. Incorporate the Balls
Remember, there is lots of pleasure and sensation to be had in the balls (testes) as well. They can be quite sensitive, and they can also take many different types of pressure, stretching, tugging, and other touch. The best way to know how to touch the balls/testes, is to ask the receiver, and check in along the way using our consent check-in language above.
8. Edging and Rest
Alternate between active touch and stillness to bring the receiver up and down their arousal scale, this can bring about a lot more sensation, pleasure, and sustained arousal in the body. Pausing allows sensations to expand and the nervous system to integrate. Many people discover that taking breaks increases overall pleasure and emotional intimacy.
Awareness and Breath
Breath is the bridge between arousal and relaxation, the erotic pump in the body, and the best tool (for most) for nervous system regulation. Encourage the receiver to keep breathing as they receive, rather than holding the breath, unless holding the breath is an intentional tool for them. Holding the breath unintentionally (as many of us do as we become more aroused) can build tension in the body, which can then disconnect us from experiencing the sensation and pleasure from the touch because our body is in “bracing mode” or somewhat of a stress response.
A few simple practices for awareness and breath:
Open breathing: Deep, full breaths through the mouth to circulate sensation and relax the body.
Sounding: Gentle vocalization (sighs, moans, humming) can help release tension and increase pleasure.
Movement: Encourage hips, pelvis, and chest to move naturally with sensation.
This turns touch into a full-body experience rather than a genital-focused act.
Emotional Experience
Erotic touch absolutely can stir up emotion (vulnerability, joy, shame, laughter, tears, everything in between), even in a sexy context when everything is consensual, steamy, and juicy. It’s important to remember that all of this is normal. Pleasure is an emotional as well as physical experience.
If strong feelings arise, pause. Hold still, breathe together, and allow whatever comes up to move through. The goal is not to fix or suppress, but to witness and integrate, and most importantly, to normalise emotion as it comes.
Aftercare and Integration
After erotic touch, take time for stillness, cuddling, or conversation. Ask:
“What did you notice?”
“What sensations or emotions are still present?”
“Is there anything you’d like next time?”
“What would feel supportive now?”
Remember that aftercare is not just physical (though it very much can be), it is also emotional, sensory, and practical. Hydrate, breathe, check-in, and rest. Integration allows the nervous system to absorb pleasure as nourishment rather than stimulation alone.
Bringing It All Together
Touching a penis with presence and curiosity can become a form of erotic mindfulness. Whether you’re a professional practitioner, a partner, or exploring your own pleasure, this approach invites you to:
Slow down.
Stay embodied.
Treat pleasure as a form of learning.
By focusing on sensation, breath, and connection rather than outcome, erotic touch becomes a pathway to deeper intimacy with the self and with others.
This Mindful Masturbation Guide will support you in practicing this pleasure-based penis touch on your own, so you can get curious and learn more about how your body reacts to erotic touch before trying this with a partner.