Booty Play 101: The In’s and Out’s of Anal Pleasure

By Selina Nguyen

Let’s get some myths out of the way first…

No, anal play is not only for men or folks Assigned Male at Birth (AMAB). 

No, anal play as a man does not inherently mean you are gay. 

No, anal play is not only for partnered sex. 

No, anal play is not only full-blown penetration.

From a quick anatomy lesson to how to prepare for anal play to specific touch techniques, welcome to your Anal Play for Beginners class.

First off, what exactly is anal play? 

Anal play covers any sort of sexual stimulation that includes around or inside an anus. This can include external or internal stimulation whether that be with fingers, mouths, tongues, penises or sex toys.

Regardless of sex anatomy or gender, anuses have one of the highest concentrations of nerve endings in your entire body, which means they are incredibly responsive to sensation and as a result, pleasure. 

While these nerve endings create the opportunity for more diverse stimulation and whole-bodied pleasure, it also means anuses are sensitive to discomfort or sexual pain if not handled with care and equipped with the right information. 

How can I prepare for anal play? 

On a practical level, it is a must to have lube at the ready. Since the anus is not self-lubricating like the vagina (though it’s also highly recommended to use lube for any other type of play), it’s especially important to use lots (and lots and lots) of lube during any sort of anal play.

It’s also handy to have baby wipes available as well as condoms, dental dams or disposable latex gloves in the name of safer sex practices and preventing sexually transmitted infections (STIs). 

If you’re playing with fingers, ensure fingernails are trimmed and clean. If you’re playing with toys, ensure that any toy that is being inserted into an anus has a flared base in order to avoid any awkward trips to the hospital ER.

The ever-present poop question.

For most with regular bowel movements, a trip to the toilet an hour before play and combined with a quick rinse in the shower or even a quick baby wipe is usually sufficient. Douching can help provide peace of mind, but that is up to your own personal preferences. 

Recognise that if you’re playing with a booty back door though, poop is always a possibility hence why baby wipes are your friend here. Realistically unless you feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom, the areas of the anus that you might play with (the anal canal) most likely won’t have any poop because it is stored higher up in the colon, so you’re likely already more than clean enough. 

On a mental and relational level, it’s important that all involved partners feel clear about what’s on the table and what’s not. 

As anal play covers a wide range of booty-related stimulation, it’s handy to know if you’re referring to rimming while your partner is referring to pegging with a strap-on. It’s also immeasurably helpful to have a conversation about what any partner might need to relax into it for example, a safe word, foreplay and aftercare. 

Where to start with anal play for beginners? 

When it comes to all things booty play, relaxation is fundamental. Going slow here allows our body and specifically the sphincters of our anus to turn on the nerve endings, relax and open up. This can look like lengthening your breath and specifically your exhale, massaging the butt and surrounding areas, or gentle external stimulation of the anus. 

**Hot tip: Some folks with vulvas also find it easier in terms of arousal and relaxing the body to have an orgasm prior to introducing anal play.

With anal play, we’re working with our external sphincter and our internal sphincter: external sphincter here meaning the one closest to the outside of your anus and the internal sphincter being further inside the anus. Both are incredibly receptive to stress, so the next time you’re feeling stressed you might notice the automatic clenching of your anus (hence the term “tight ass”). 

While we have relatively voluntary control of the external sphincter, the internal sphincter is considered involuntary. This is the very reason why we make a point around relaxation, going slow and setting the mood in the name of having an easeful, sexy and pain-free experience.

It might feel more comfortable to explore your own body solo first before inviting a partner. This is because you can start to build your mental map and language for what feels good and what doesn’t for you to later share with a partner, and your nervous system will be more relaxed in general when your body knows it’s safe and alone. 

Starting positions that are generally comfortable for most able bodies are: on all fours, or lying on your side with your legs bent at the knees and slightly forward. Find what feels most comfortable for your body.

What are specific techniques for anal play? 

Below you’ll find tried and true techniques of anal play for your exploration while never forgetting the golden rule of lube, which is to use more than you think. 

Don’t forget to warm up to the experience, for example, nibbling on their butt cheeks, kissing their inner thighs, using your hands to roam their body and play with their genitals. 

As you build arousal, this makes touch immensely more pleasurable and you should be able to see or feel their anus relaxing. 

Anal Techniques 101

Anal Surfacing: 

Using the pads of your fingers or thumb, you can do small circles, gentle strokes up and down or light tapping around the butthole. We’re simply playing with the surface, hence the name. 

With any of these anal surfacing moves, you can also replicate them with your tongue if you’re so inclined. 

Again, there is a world of nerve endings here alone and this can feel at times very sensitive and hopefully pleasurable. Play with different levels of pressure, pace or even temperature. Get into it, use your moans, use your hands to keep rubbing their butt cheeks and have fun. 

With vibrators, you could also play with the surface here as long as we’re ensuring that we don’t “double-dip” from anus to vulva or vagina as that can disrupt one’s pH balance or lead to UTIs from fecal matter. Whatever your tool, these can be really pleasurable forms of stimulation on their own, or a prelude to the following techniques.

Anal Shallowing: 

You can assume from the name, anal shallowing involves shallow penetration of the anus. 

This might be using a finger, a small butt plug or toy, or the tip of a penis/dildo. You can play with a light thrusting movement, applying gentle pressure with a finger or doing an upward “come hither” motion with a finger. 

Anal penetration is often associated with having to commit to the entirety of a penis, dildo or a strap-on, which can feel quite intimidating for many. Many people speed through the anal opening, but shallow is sexy too. And shallowing is actually most often a step towards deeper penetration with something other than a finger or toy, we can’t very often just go straight for the deep end. 

The concept of shallowing can be incredibly pleasurable because it again centres the many nerve endings in the region, but also plays with teasing and building tension. 

Notice the contraction and relaxation of your sphincters, and what happens as you experiment with slower or faster breathing, or specific positions. Shallowing can help you discover what the most pleasurable depth is for you, and if/when you’d like to keep going. 

With this kind of stimulation, for folks with vulvas it can indirectly stimulate parts of the clitoral structure, known as the g-spot as the internal walls between the anus and the vagina are relatively thin. For folks with penises, fingers doing that same “come hither” motion or prostate toys can directly stimulate the prostate which is commonly known for more intense orgasms.

Anal Pairing: 

Anal pairing is when we can pair anal stimulation (whether that be external or internal) with the stimulation of other pleasurable body parts such as vulvas, clitorises, penises or nipples. This is pleasurable because it amplifies sensation and makes the experience richer and more whole-bodied.

For example, you might have a butt plug inside your anus while a partner stimulates your vulva or have a partner stimulate your penis with a simultaneous finger in your anus. The possible combinations and opportunities for pleasure are endless.

Anal Stretching: 

Again this technique is also quite clear with the name, but don’t let it scare you off. As always, we start small, go slow, build up to it and use lots of lube. Don’t expect to go from zero to dildo on your first time.

Here you can use more of your fingers and hand, a penis, dildos or other toys with flared bases. 

What makes this technique pleasurable for many bodies is the sensation of tension, pressure or fullness that comes with stretching. You can do your usual thrusting movements here, but also holding still and feeling the fullness, or playing with the sensation of pulling out and re-inserting toys (the build, the stretch and the pop) can also be just as pleasurable for many bodies.

With this technique, it is helpful for the receiver to push out and bear down (intentionally pushing down and out through our pelvis floor and anus to create space in the pelvis) when something is going inside their anus. This allows the sphincters to open up more easily and with less resistance. After this, you can do deep belly breaths and wait for your butt muscles to further relax into it.

What about aftercare? 

As with any sexual experience, you want to check in with yourself and your partners about what each of you might need afterwards. 

Some suggestions could be a warm bath, cuddling or light massage to further relax any sore muscles. Soothing anal creams can also be useful post-play to calm any irritated skin or sensitivity. 

Of course, it’s always a great idea when trying anything new to have a conversation about what each person enjoyed, what felt good, what didn’t feel as good or ideas for next time. Anal play should never be painful and if it is, it’s a sign from your body to slow down.

Remember that every body and butthole is different. Now go forth and dive into those cheeks.

Image credits: https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0268785