What is sexuality?
Sexuality comes in many different shapes and sizes. It’s not as simple or as static as “heterosexual” vs “homosexual”. As a society, we’re increasingly recognising and appreciating the diversity and fluidity of sexuality.
Our individual sexuality is made up of a complex interplay between our sexual identity, sexual orientation and sexual behaviour. Our sexual identity refers to how we self-identify publicly and personally. Sexual orientation is who and what we are attracted to, and sexual behaviour refers to what we do sexually. Each part is just as important as the others, but it’s important to note that it’s not a requirement that all three dimensions neatly match. A person is no less bisexual if they’ve only had straight sex, or no less queer if they’re only attracted to the same gender sexually.
One of the beautiful aspects about sexuality is that it’s fluid and can change as we grow. Despite what our society tells us, there is no obligation to confine ourselves into neat little boxes or labels that no longer fit. Figuring out your sexuality can be very difficult and requires a lot of self-reflection and unpacking around internalised homophobia, religious values and family teachings. For some, they know from a young age and for others, it’s a lifelong struggle of self-acceptance. Both journeys are valid and just as meaningful as the other.
Your sexuality is yours and yours alone.
Sexuality is an important part of who you are. It’s incredibly diverse and deeply personal. There is no right or wrong way to be sexual, there’s only what’s right for you. A lot of what we’re fed in the media, is that to be sexual is to do XYZ, last a certain amount of time and act a certain way. Too often this leaves us having performative sex or left feeling unsatisifed or broken for not enjoying picture-perfect sex.
However, sexuality as a concept is so much more expansive than just the act of sex. Sexuality is also inclusive of our thoughts, feelings and behaviours towards ourselves and sex in all its forms, and it’s a natural part of who we are. A lot of our internal work that needs to be done is unlearning the ways society has taught us to be sexual, and embracing all aspects of ourselves without shame or judgment. That’s what sexuality is at its core.
Encouraging Authentic Sexuality
Ways that we can encourage and nurture our sexuality looks like doing things that give us pleasure, and looking at yourself and getting comfortable being naked. We can also experiment with different types of touch and mindfulness, and learn about sex-positivity. These are only starting points of what is out there and available to you if you’d like to explore and understand your sexuality on a deeper level. It’s an investment in yourself and the beauty is that you can shape it to whatever feels good and right for you!