Masturbation May: Debunking Common Masturbation Myths

By Selina Nguyen

Mazzing, flicking the bean, rubbing one out, shucking the corn, whatever you call it, masturbation is one of the most widely misunderstood parts of sexuality and sexual health. It’s one of the most wonderful parts of being human, and it’s also rife with stigma and misinformation that consistently get in the way of better intimacy, pleasure and relationships. 

In the span of five minutes of scrolling and online platforms where everyone is suddenly an expert, you might come across ads for sex toys, an article about how masturbation is bad for you, and marketing for libido supplements promising to fix whatever it is you’re feeling. As a result, it can be hard to sift through what is genuine and research-backed sex education and what is misinformation perpetuating sexual shame disguised as good marketing. 

This Masturbation May, we’re debunking the common masturbation myths that come up in sessions ranging from “what is normal?” to “does it cause erectile dysfunction?” to “does it count as cheating?”. 

Even as sex therapists who will talk endlessly about the benefits of pleasure and masturbation, we also understand that not everyone is interested in masturbation or wants to masturbate. 

While we believe there’s nothing inherently wrong with choosing to masturbate or not, we offer up this blog to invite self-reflection around whether your choice is truly your own or a result of learned social or cultural messages that told you that masturbation was dirty, shameful or not for you. 

If you’d like a space to unpack this further, you can book in a session with one of our experienced team but until then, let’s debunk some myths: 

What’s normal? 

There is no ‘normal’ when it comes to masturbation frequency, how people masturbate or what they think about. You get to define what is normal for you. 

From shower heads and humping couches to sex toys to specific fantasies or kinks, the beauty is in the sheer diversity and creativity. People across all ages, abilities, bodies and genders can masturbate and do. 

Does it mean I’m gay/lesbian if I masturbate a certain way? 

Sexual orientation is about sexual attraction, and that can exist very separately to how one might masturbate.

For example, it’s a common misconception that if you enjoy anal stimulation as a man, you must be gay, or if you enjoy watching queer porn, you must be queer. Neither are inherently true. You’re allowed to enjoy specific types of sexual stimulation simply because it feels good and bodies enjoy feeling good. It does not need to signify or have deeper meaning than that.

That being said, masturbation can be one way to slowly and safely explore sexual attraction through fantasy or erotic content. It is an option for exploration, but that doesn’t mean that it’s as simple as “if you like X, you must be Y”. 

Is it bad for you? 

Growing up, you might’ve heard that masturbation might cause acne, hairy palms or make you go blind. There is no evidence to these claims and it’s more than likely that these claims were rooted in purity culture that viewed sexuality as dirty, shameful or sinful, and was used as a means to scare teenagers and young adults into total abstinence. 

On the other hand, it’s actually been found time and time again through research that regular orgasms (whether solo or partnered) have a significant stress reducing effect and are a form of natural pain relief. On top of that, orgasms are associated with strengthened pelvic floor, boosts in mood, strengthened immune system, and supporting sleep. 

All of this to say that masturbation can actually be very good for you and your physical health.

Does it cause erectile dysfunction (ED) or clitoral desensitisation? 

Again there is no scientific backing linking masturbation to ED or genital numbing, but there is a thread connecting ED or clitoral desensitisation depending on how you masturbate - not ifyou masturbate. 

There are instances when you might masturbate in a very specific way over the span of years or decades, your body can get used to experiencing arousal and orgasm in that very specific pattern that is usually not easily replicable in partnered sexual experiences. 

Over time, this very specific pattern can sometimes get more rigid and as a result we might need more intense stimulation to achieve the same end goal, such as turning to more extreme porn or using a higher vibrator setting. 

Our overall sexual function or sensation hasn’t necessarily changed, but they’ve been conditioned to work following a very specific script, so when we try to apply them to partnered sexual experiences, the differences and the anxiety that can accompany them can manifest as ED. 

There are many other factors that can contribute to ED, including anxiety, medications, age, blood pressure and chronic health conditions. 

What can happen with folks who experience psychogenic ED, that is ED stemming from psychological or relational reasons rather than biological factors, is that there might be anxiety about the sexual experience, guilt associated with porn use or sexual shame. 

So again, it’s not as simple as “if you masturbate, this will happen”. It’s about how you masturbate and if there is variety in the types of touch and stimulation you’re exploring while you masturbate. 

Can you be addicted to masturbating?

It’s not considered an addiction in any clinical sense because there is no measurable amount of masturbation that’s healthy or unhealthy. 

If you find that masturbation is interfering with your daily life and your relationships, or if you’re uncomfortable with how often you masturbate, it’s worth speaking to a trained sexologist. 

Examples of how it might be causing problems for you can include: consistently falling behind on work or home responsibilities because of masturbation, relying solely on masturbation for emotional regulation, or depending on masturbation to avoid other issues in your relationship or in your life. 

Again these do not classify as ‘addiction’ in the traditional sense, but it can be problematic when it feels compulsive or distressing. 

Is it cheating? 

Each relationship will have their own unique definition of what is considered cheating and what is not. It is worth discussing with your partners about how you each feel about masturbation within the relationship, what it means to you and how you each got to these unique perspectives. 

Ultimately your body and your sexuality is yours. That doesn’t automatically change when you get into a relationship. You get to invite partners to share in your sexuality and to co-create experiences together and vice versa. It should be treated as a privilege to do so, not an automatic expectation. 

Does it mean something is wrong in your relationship?

To enjoy your own body does not inherently mean there is something wrong with you or your  relationship.

There is the odd occasion that we might use masturbation as a way to avoid talking about something uncomfortable in our relationship such as a desire or fantasy, or an unmet need. This might include that we’re not enjoying partnered sex in its current form, that we’re experiencing performance anxiety or that we’re feeling pressure to have sex at a frequency we don’t want. 

In cases like these, this is information worth listening to and acting on. 

Does it mean you won’t be able to enjoy sex with a partner if you masturbate?

If anything, you might enjoy partnered sex more if you masturbate in ways that are intentional, explorative and satisfying. 

When we masturbate in these ways, we learn more about our bodies and our turn ons that we can then bring to our partners, whether it’s “look at this cool trick I can do”, “can we try this tonight?” or using it as an opportunity to flirt or initiate partnered sex. Sharing our learnings and communicating them goes hand-in-hand with better sex.

When we masturbate in ways that are rigid (a very specific routine we do exactly the same every time) or void of emotional presence (mindless, distracted or disembodied), that’s when the crossover from solo sex to partnered sex can be quite difficult and often create space for performance anxiety to creep in. 

Masturbation is a weird and wonderful experience should you choose to make it so. 

The through-line for many of these masturbation myths is that it’s not a binary of “should I or shouldn’t I?”, but the “how we do it if we choose to do it” is actually significantly more important. 

When we approach masturbation in ways that are intentional and explorative, we practice getting into our bodies and here we can learn that pleasure is possible and has always been within reach. 

Click here for our FREE resource on Masturbation Self-Reflection Prompts.